First, I want to say CONGRATULATIONS! You have made it through the first month or couple weeks of grad school and that is a huge accomplishment. I hope the stress of it all isn’t taking too much of a toll on you. I just wanted to pop in and remind you of a couple of things, especially as you’re easing into this new journey of a PhD program (or adjusting to a new year entirely!).
Please, TAKE CARE of yourself. If you’re anything like me (I assume most of us are this way) then you’re probably really wrapped up in coursework, making sure you keep up with everything. I remember in my first couple of months, I didn’t fully understand some of the readings in my Introduction to Graduate Studies class (a class on foundational approaches and trends in literary scholarship), and I remember spending over an hour just trying to comprehend one (DENSE) 8-page article. I felt huge imposter syndrome in class when students in my cohort were making comments about the reading and things just went over my head. I quite remember actually crying after class a couple of times because I felt so lost and behind.
But low and behold, it did not end there! I talked to my professor about my challenge in understanding the readings and he told me something very profound: it’s not that he’s smarter than me, he’s just been doing it longer. And man, did those words change my perspective about my progress and position in the program. It’s not that I wasn’t smart enough, it’s just that I was new, and so are you!
So girl, it is just a matter of TIME.
You are learning.
You are in a new space.
Be GRACIOUS with yourself.
And lastly, YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB!
So, if there’s anything I would tell my first year self, it’s that she’s doing a better job than she thinks and to give herself some grace because it’s all new. Not to mention that in addition to school, you also need to eat, sleep, have a social life and do other things.
Oh, and one more thing (my therapist told me this in my first year after I cried one day after class about how inadequate I felt): it’s not that they know MORE than you, they just know DIFFERENT things than you! Especially in a PhD program where people come in with different focuses and specialties, please don’t for a second think that you are not smart! People just have more background knowledge in different areas, in the same way that you have more background knowledge in other areas!
Verse: “Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.” Psalm 73:23-24 NLT
Song Suggestion: “Jireh” by Maverick City Music and Elevation Worship
P.S. Your cohortmates are probably feeling the SAME things, so I encourage you to talk to them about what you’re going through and you may realize that you’re not alone AND that you can help each other! That’s what happened to me 🙂
WhollyRebecca 