In academia, professors often take sabbaticals for their research, but this year I’m taking a sabbatical for my soul. When God first started speaking to me about taking time off from my PhD, I didn’t believe it was Him. My first reaction was, “God, is this, you?” I could not possibly fathom that God could tell me to not continue on with the PhD program because I knew that I was called to education and one of my passions was to be a professor. Yet, in the process of God speaking to me (I love His patience) I realized that it was in fact God calling me to pause, and I am so happy I listened. He knew what I needed before I did. ❤️
So, beyond the fact that God told me to pause, there are reasons for taking this gap year that I’ve come to understand—God always has a reason for telling us to do something, whether we understand it in the moment or not. So for me, when God first told me about pausing, this scared me and it exposed my heart’s posture and perspective about my education. My whole life, I have always aimed high and pursued higher education! From a private high school, to Yale, and straight into my PhD at Washington University in St. Louis, so much of my self-worth has been built on my academic achievement. And while this academic achievement is a success that I praise God for, in asking me to step away, God is teaching me that my worth and value is not in what I do. I am me, because God made me and He loves me. I am valuable, period. I don’t need to DO or EARN validation or approval.
And when God exposed my heart, He was kind enough to use my parents to reinforce this truth! They’ve always been proud of me, but they were actually very supportive of me taking this gap year, which reinforced to me (and honestly healed me) that I am enough outside of my performance or achievement! So shoutout to my lovely parents. ❤
Additionally, in addition to divorcing my identity from my degrees, God is also calling me to rest and be still in His presence! Y’all I went straight from undergrad into the PhD program (I’ve been in school since I was 5 lol), and I was definitely feeling the burnout of classes. I’ve always been on the go, but in this season of life I’m learning to slow down. What God has for me is for me, and I am choosing to walk at His pace! I am taking time in God’s presence— He can take as long as He wants to work on me. Also, as a high achieving person, deep down there’s this anxiety that I need to do it now or never, when in reality everything does not have to happen all at once. It is OKAY to take a break. It is GOOD to pause. Again, my identity is not found in my degree, so I’m thankful for the privilege to pause (shoutout to my parents for letting me stay at home) and really learn the art of stillness (check out my Instagram post for more on this).
Lastly, I am also taking this gap year to fully heal, restore and become whole in Christ. This summer, God has been taking me on a hard, but really healthy healing journey where I am unlearning negative thoughts and emotions, and re-learning my identity in Him. God is healing me internally from emotional wounds of rejection, anxiety/insecurity in relationships and people pleasing! And by God’s grace, He has been making me more secure in Him and I love it. It truly is amazing to be loved by God and for God’s love to be enough (I’m reminded of the song Jireh my Maverick City Music 😍). So, I am growing in the truth of God’s love for me more and more everyday, and I look forward to what He has in store for me during this year.
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.” Psalm 23:2-3 (NIV)
How may God be calling you out (or in), in this season?
Song Suggestion: “Hidden Here” by Tiffany Hudson (This song has been on repeat ALL summer, and I think it beautifully captures the season I’m in, and my heart posture)
WhollyRebecca 